Nursing one's baby is supposed to bring about all sorts of positive feelings, feelings of love, peace and tranquility. I try so hard to feel those things; but, mostly I feel annoyed. Not at my sweet baby, mind you; but, at my other two children who turn into complete disasters every time I sit down to nurse. I am intrigued by all these lovely pictures of families reading together while baby nurses or doing other things that don't involve demolishing the house or causing the mother to contemplate suicide.
Today we spent a lovely afternoon walking around our new neighborhood and swinging in a nearby park. When we returned home, I told Aidan and Adelaide they could play outside for a few more minutes while I put Annalise down for her nap. We are really enjoying the newfound freedom of a smaller, safer backyard where the kids can at least play for a few minutes while I tend to things inside. I gave them both a quick lecture to stay in the backyard where I could see them. I also reminded them (as usual) that I would need to feed the baby and I would be RIGHT BACK.
So...I took my sweet baby inside and quickly sat down to feed her before her nap. She nurses pretty quickly and is usually done in just a few minutes. I hadn't even unbuttoned my shirt when I heard the first "POUND POUND POUND" on the door. I assumed they must really need something so I headed to the door with my now angry baby. Aidan was standing at the door (which he is perfectly capable of opening) wondering, "Can you find me a basket for collecting eggs?". I reminded him that I was trying to feed the baby and would find him a basket in a few minutes.
Back to the rocker I went with my now angrier baby. Two minutes in, I hear "POUND POUND POUND" this time followed by the sound of Adelaide wailing. At this point, Annalise promptly received a pacifier in the mouth and into her bed she went, still slightly angry; but also very tired. I ran downstairs and whipped open the door.
I was greeted by the sight of Adelaide completely naked from the waist down. No pants, no underwear, no boots, no socks. Now, it WAS a nice day today...FOR FEBRUARY. It was not, however, a nice day for wandering around outside naked. She handed me a pile of her clothes and informed me, through her tears, that she had pooped. I asked her where she had pooped because I could see that her clothes were still clean. "In my house," she wailed. I asked her again to be sure I understood and she informed me that she had pooped in her playhouse. I didn't really believe her so I brought her into the house and went out to see for myself. Sure enough, there in the middle of her playhouse, right on the muddy ground, was her giant poop. I will add that it had clearly been stepped on. I assume by her also-naked foot.
I wasn't quite sure how to proceed. Addie needed a bath; but, that poop had to go. So, I chucked her smooshed poop into the woods with my "pile of leaves tongs" and headed in to give her a bath; though not before Aidan reminded me that he "still needed an egg basket" and also "Would I like to play with him?" Through further inquiry, I learned that Adelaide had tried to come in to poop; but, couldn't get the door open and also that Aidan had refused to help her.
I wish I could say this sort of thing was an isolated incident. Yeah, I wish I could say that. I am sure our new neighbors are already adding the numbers for the police, children's services and a good lawn service to their speed dials. At least I can feel superior in the knowledge that "breast is best," right?